This piece was written and posted on Facebook on June 8, 2026, the day after my beloved Duane left this world. I am placing it here because it was straight from my broken heart.
The most wonderful 26 years of my life’s journey came to an end yesterday, June 7, 2026. I am heartbroken and devastated, yet I find peace and comfort in knowing that he is no longer struggling or suffering. It was difficult to say, “It’s okay to go and be with God,” knowing how deeply I will miss him and not knowing what will become of me, but that pain was nothing compared with watching what he endured as the disease progressed.
He fought two battles for almost seven years: first with multiple myeloma, which he overcame, and then with an aggressive form of myelodysplastic syndrome. In round two, he fought with all his might, enduring seven rounds of oral chemotherapy and then a donor stem cell transplant. He was so close to victory, but MDS reared its ugly head again about three weeks ago. His condition deteriorated so rapidly that he visibly aged 20 years in the last 10 days. He was admitted to Johns Hopkins Hospital last Friday, and he was gone within about 36 hours as MDS progressed to acute myeloblastic leukemia (AML).
He was loving, kind, considerate, gentle, generous, and genuine. I know how deeply he loved his mom and dad, and Uncle Bob and Aunt Kay, all of whom lived well into their 90s. I witnessed how selflessly he sacrificed to care for them. He took care of his mom while battling MM and then cared for his aunt while struggling with MDS. He never complained. He generously shared his time and resources with the community. He was proud to have attended Calvert Hall and, needless to say, The Citadel. At The Citadel, he met his lifelong brothers. I am grateful that you all were part of his life; he spoke so highly of you. I also want to thank you personally for the love and support you have given me over the last two days.
He served his country proudly, first as a commissioned officer in the Army and later in the Senior Executive Service at the Department of Veterans Affairs. He served first as a soldier and then served his fellow veterans. That is devotion and patriotism. In the last few years, he also served on our condo board. It was an absolutely thankless job, but he generously gave his time, expertise, and professionalism. In his 65 years, he made an impact on so many people. The world was a better place with him in it.
Duane was the best thing that ever happened to me. We met online in the dial-up bulletin board era. Is Gay.com still around? We had our first date in January 2000. By July, I had moved in, and by Thanksgiving, we had adopted our beloved Murphy. We experienced so much in just 26 years. He loved my big, loud family, and they loved him back. Why? Because they knew he was good to me and good for me. He always encouraged me, gave me the freedom to grow, and supported me no matter what crazy endeavors I got myself into—traveling to gay volleyball tournaments, “participating” in 14 of my 18 marathons, cheering me on during a half-Ironman and plenty of more reasonable-distance races, and volunteering at the DCFR Pride Run 5K bag check with a smile. He loved me and was proud to call me his husband. He nurtured me and built me up with his kindness and love. I am who I am because of him.
We wanted 26 more years. We had seen quite a bit of the world, but as he achingly told me two nights ago, “I wish we could see more together.” We wanted to grow old together. But God had a different plan for him. We agreed that we got quality, if not quantity. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. When his heart stopped, he was staring at me. I closed his eyes, kissed his forehead, and said, “I love you.” I swear he twitched his lips and then gave the slightest smile. I took that as a sign that he was finally at peace, with all the pain and suffering gone.
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